Summertime, when the living is easy.....??

It's hard to believe that it's July. Lots of things, thoughts ..ideas have been going on in my head.

Here's a list....of current summer happenings and thoughts:

painting - new art and furniture
creating - new paintings
decorating - living room
shopping - new sheets, new kitchen things, new dressers....
reading - marketing
studying - business
reconsidering - teaching?
watching - movies
working - new office, training new employees, reorganzing
tennis - fun and exercise
biking - more fun and exercise
martinis - weeee...love those olives
vacationing - coming soon ... yeah!!!!!
eating - learning limits and what I really "like" to eat
rethinking - who I am... what I want

Not sure where this is all going. Also realizing that long term planning doesn't work..only plan is short bursts.

That's all for now..... time for more laundry and the Office Marathon... out R&R.

WHY AM I YELLING!!!!

ok - i'll stop for a moment. mostly i am yelling ( and yes, this is me whispering - i know... extremes right? ) because i finished my first semester back to school - i still don't have my grades which is making me a bit uneasy but they will be here soon enough. i am signed up for classes in the fall so i have the summer to focus... on .. just ... AAAAHHHHH... work ---- which... i am not happy with for many reasons.. and i am totally torn about my decision to be an art teacher, even though i know... that what i do not is not really for me, it just pays the bills. i want to be creating....all sorts of thoughts have been flooding my mind since my last final was over. i definitely enjoy teaching art... i feel a natural connection to it but.... i also feel like... it may not be challenging enough in the long run.. but you can't see that far.. have to have your 5 year.. then 10 year out plans i guess... be business minded about it... plus may is crazy... to teenagers having birthdays, one getting his driver's licence and a car... the other wants to get a job like big bro .. she is seeing the financial fruits of his labor.. and she wants it too... hubby and i want to get bikes.. and i want to lose like .. 50 lbs... wow ! .... ok.. maybe this has helped me to stop yelling for now.. but i truly feel the need to run up and down the street.. screamming at the top of my lungs... not for attention.. i just need to let it all out....... or drink heavily..... PS.. HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEW LOOK.. IT WILL BE GETTING MORE INTERESTING .. PROMISE!

Spring ... is .... coming... weeeee.....

Well the weather is warmer today, cloudy, humid... warmmmmmm. I have not been enjoying the cold weather this year.

Spring break is over for me and classes started back. I am glad. My new class starts next week and I can't wait to see how that goes.

Nothing much else to write about.

TA TA!

educational psych, carpal pain and getting organized

January has been a busy month with going back to school and getting back into the swing of things at work.

My only problem with work in my hand/arm/ shoulder and neck are killing me, but my husband keeps me focused on the healing aspects of the pain. Today it is better. I have been using my left hand all week long at work with the mouse and it has been very frustrating even though I use it that way at home on the weekends. Work is high pressure though and I have found that all the knowledge is somehow locked in my right hand or I guess my left brain. My husband is encouraging me to stick with using my left and assures me that using my right brain more at work will give me a new perspective. Sounds good.

The class I am taking is Educational Psych. It's interesting and I am looking forward to my field hours in February. The idea of teaching art is really exciting to me. I can't wait, even though I have too. I have all sorts of ideas to share and see how students respond.

As far as getting organized. We are doing some of that at home and I am working to become better organized at work as well. I just know I can be more efficient.

I want to do a new banner for Valentine's Day but not sure if I will have the time. We will see - signing off - Crabby Monkey - OUT! ;)

NEW YEAR, NEW PERSPECTIVE

Well, I think that says it all for now! :)

Christmas spirit, dead computers and growing older

I am feeling more in the Christmas spirit since yesterday. Last week at work was exhausting. Working in a retail business setting really can kill your Christmas spirit (I can't say I was a big fan of Christmas before but yikes, now it's even harder.) But luckily my husband and I drove around a bit last night talking and looking at all the decorated homes. It does warm the heart, make you feel like a kid again (I guess that is why we drove around and that is what motivates adults to decorate their homes for the holidays) and realize that really we are all still children.

Also this idea of Christmas brings up thoughts of attachment. Attachment to objects, memories, ideas, it can be anything. A few months back life was particularly difficult for several reasons but the straw that broke the camels back for me was that the laptop computer that I had been using for several years with all sorts of ideas, memories, photos, etc. (and there are still things coming up that I realize now are on that computer) that I will never see again. Since I have my own live- in computer expert, this is a fact. The mother board just died one day. He tried to revive it, but could not. We hadn't done a back up in a while, due to busy life and extremely stressful situations that total zapped us. Let's just say, I was devastated (still feel twinges of it when I think about it). It was like a person died. I was immediately hurled back to when my mother died. Needless to say I didn't handle this computer dying thing very well. Also my husband was not prepared for the reaction since we did have another couple of computers in the house. But it wasn't about having a computer to use, it was about what that computer represented, ideas, thoughts, dreams...a record of life during a certain time frame.

So, attachment. I am finding it harder and harder to let go as I get older (turned 40 this year). So many things have happened over the years relating to death, letting go, moving on, lost dreams, dashed hopes. Attachment really can devastate you, cause you to grow older, suck the life out of you. It's not just about things or ideas, or memories, etc. It can be about relationships, personal issues, even money. You have to find a balance.

I want 2009 to be about finding my balance. I know I need to take time for myself. Time for my art, time for my soul. I want that to be a focus for me this year. My husband and I having given alot of ourselves and feel like now that we have to focus on ourselves more.

Ok I have rambled enough for this morning.

Christmas Wish For Chris With Love from Me!

Well Christmas and New Years is approaching rapidly. Ever since Thanksgiving stress and tensions have been high. With going back to school in a month, work (which is zapping the little bit of Christmas spirit I had), family illnesses this week, and family pressures (past, present and future) - I have been finding it hard to maintain any level of civility and unfortunatly my family, especially my husband has bore the brunt of it. For this I am deeply *SORRY*!

My Christmas wish is for my husband. I pray and hope with all my heart for 2009 to be a year of happiness, health and love for him. He deserves it.

For years he has been struggling and I have been not helped with my own fears, worries and emotional baggage, which has worn him down even more.

That is my Christmas Wish.