what in the hell am i going to write about???? I have some ideas... trumpeting... swimming... but these stories would be observation.. maybe I am avoiding writing what I feel at this moment. really it would be able fear frustration... sadness ---- paralyzing fear -- so what is the fear about - it's about alot of things -
1) never really getting to have my/our own house
2) never being out of debt
3) never feeling good again
4) working myself to death
5) losing my children - growing up and getting away..
6)being stuck in a sucky situation forever
7)dying at an early age - never seeing my children be grown and being able to share life with my grandchildren
8) never being truly happy
9) being always stuck in the past
10) never getting paid for the work I do best
OK some of this seems like insane rambling I will give you ---- everyone has their 'problem' or 'journey' 'struggle' I get that. I've just had enough of it and I'm not sure how to be done with it.
i'm tired of life being so scarry - the minute you feel happy --- content -- creative --- some crappy thing comes and ruins it. I'm just sick of it.
I want a new job, I want to be able to be creative ---- i want to have energy for other things....
i don't have anything else to say right now.. to pissed off !!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment